By Nick Parkhouse (4)
Ah, the Hopkinson Gallery. With its lack of heating, its over-running yoga pupils and its one, lonely fluorescent light, it truly is the Room of Kings. The latest addition to the already-bloody-constricted-by-the-roof-pillars venue is an erotic dancing pole, which should come in useful and in no way further impede the ability of the group to form a basic circle with more than five players.
*and relax*
Anyway. Lloydie was in charge this Thursday, and began the jam with a series of odd clapping games, one of which was bizarrely confusing and involved thumping the floor whilst crouched on hands and knees. Some team games and then a long series of two person scenes led to a very entertaining evening.
Things we learned from this week’s jam:
1. French jumble sale owners crave the power of the role
2. Dan would be an amazing health and safety assessor in a toy factory
3. Don’t let Marilyn near your grandma’s grave. She’ll eat the flowers
4. When all else fails, Dan and Nick’s sitcom career as ‘the two bored airport travellers’ is sure to take off (pun entirely intended)
5. Don’t ever let Carl own a pet, as he will be completely unaware about the range of its powers and will need a vet to tell him
6. The special labs – where they do the retail experiments – are in the fifth basement. Martin will take you in the lift, if you like, although David will probably have to walk
7. David 2’s rifle shooting is terrible, although Elliott will never be the new Heston Blumenthal as he wanted to cook Billy the Duck ‘in a duck sauce’
8. In launderette terms, James is Dot Cotton to Steve’s Pauline Fowler
9. Don’t get stuck in a tunnel without your lard
10. You won’t be able to get a pink fluffy thing unless you’re a metre taller, Helen. Although Rupes’ shoe might help swing the deal
11. Dan’s cheesy Wotsit fingers are the reason why the superheroes ended up landing their time machine inside the concentration camp
12. Jonathan Ross – Because he’s worth it
13. Martin advocates the use of PCP “because horses go wappy and kill people”
14. Lloydie’s tribe of Scottish Red Indians are fooling no-one, whilst Marilyn was less impressed by Big Chief Wawa than you may think
15. Whilst Carl prefers Carol Vorderman (“getting on a bit, but still would”), Elliott prefers the ghost of Richard Whiteley
16. Radishes represent ‘passion’, and ‘fellow feeling with other human beings’
17. 1.5 rivets is almost twice as much, but not quite
18. The tomato bonavista is better than the tomato monogodo, especially at room temperature.
All wise advice, I’m sure you’ll agree….
